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Hullaballoon

posted Jan 8, 2010 5:03 PM by Casey Chow


Hullaballoon (n) a hole in a balloon

Hullaballoon derived from the Antarctican term holeypalooza meaning "swiss cheese." Some his-storians believe that it may have come from Africa because there are penguins in Africa.

Holbalooga means to pop a balloon.

A hullaballooon can also refer to a balloon filled with holes. These types of hullaballoons cause a lot of hullaballoo.

An example of a hullaballoon in the famous Liberty Bell. What a lot of people don't know is that the liberty bell is actually a metal-coated balloon.

The types of hullaballoons are blow-ins, cutouts, poples, and OMGASQUARETHINGs. Blow-ins are the holes you blow into. Cutouts are parts cut by scissors. Poples are holes created when popping, and OMGASQUARETHINGs are rare square hullaballoons.

There is no hullaballoon known to man that is in the shape of a fire hydrant.


SADDENING

posted Jan 7, 2010 5:03 PM by Casey Chow   [ updated Jan 7, 2010 5:04 PM ]

Sorry, somebody lost the word of the day.
I would apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused, but nobody really cares.
(SADDENING was the word of the day)

SATURN

posted Jan 6, 2010 4:30 PM by Casey Chow

SATURN (n) a relative, often your sibling's child, that is annoying
SATURN stands for Systematic Atomic Timed Uranium Radioactive Niece/Nephew.
Commons behavior of SATURNs include playing with fire, taking embarrassing photos, and not flushing.
SATURNs float in water.

Magical

posted Jan 5, 2010 3:48 AM by Casey Chow

Magical (adj) being possible only near a chemical known as AWeSoMeNESS.

Etymology: Magical is derived from the word migic which derived from the SOMEWHEREINTHEWORLDBUTIDONTKNOWWHEREEXACTLYian term yosupimajsoigicownpwnu.

Magical events are impossible in cities because PIeCEO'MinD, an essential ingredient for making AWeSoMeNESS, cannot be found in crowded areas. It is thought to be because the cities are too bright at night for aliens to beam down PIe with their light beams.

The chemical makeup of AWeSoMeNESS is (AW)e5O(MeN)E55, however, N and E (which stands for N00b and 3gg) are not required.

Examples of magical events include the creation of ROAM in 2000 AD, the discovery of germs by Thomas Jefferson in 1492, and the demolishing of Constantinople in 1776 by Atilla the Hun.

Examples of non-magical events include the discovery of the fungus among us in 2004, and the invention of pizza by Alexander Graham Bell in π BC.

AWeSoMeNESS is a naturally occurring substance in penguins.

DEATH

posted Jan 4, 2010 5:57 PM by Casey Chow

DEATH (n) a process in which you lose mental ability

Causes of DEATH include STABS, CHRISTMAS, POKES, STUPIDITY, and LOVE.

DEATH stands for Dihydroclodic Entoscectomy Amended Turd Heat.

People going through DEATH are often sent to HOSPICALS, where airport security checks for signs of metallic objects (which often turn up as pens) which they claim to be potential bombs.

DEATH is considered a major event in one's life, so loved ones of people going through DEATH meet at FUMNERALS where they say solemn things like, "Oh my gosh I apologize for any inconvenience this DEATH may have caused!"

The opposite of DEATH is WINDOW, where one "sees the light" (presumably through a window).

The outcome of DEATH is normally either TENNIS, FIRE HYDRANT, or HAWKING, which are less commonly used terms for hyperactivity, the vegetative state, or super ingeniousness, respectively.

DEATH is impossible near penguins.

Galactometer

posted Jan 2, 2010 7:12 AM by Casey Chow


Galactometer (n) an instrument used to measure the distance between galaxies

To use a galactometer, you must position yourself at the event horizon of a black hole, drop a string in attached to yourself, and let the black hole kill you. Then you place the galactometer at the end of the black hole, shoot a string to the dark matter at the center of the first universe, and shoot orange juice at the center of the second. Afterwards, the galactometer will use pancakes to reveal the distance between two galaxies.

Galactometer is not to be confused with Galactomee,  a type of Japanese comic turned video game that detonated in 2003.

Galactometers have never been used by man not because travel to a black hole is not possible yet, but because a virus appeared on one of NASA's computers and the guy that was supposed to use it in 20111 is obsessively trying to fix it instead of training for the mission. That guy has already tried CTRL+ALT+DEL, disabling SCROLLLOCK, installing BSD, replacing the motherboard, exploding it and salvaging the pieces, and banging it really hard with his boot, to no avail.

The Galactometer is stored in Area 52 by USSYGS, the United Shoe Systems You Grow Sand association.


EMAIL

posted Jan 1, 2010 7:47 AM by Casey Chow


EMAIL (n) a mass-annoyance tool that tricks people into checking for new ones every 20 seconds, then annoys them with 20,900 emails
EMAIL was originally conceived as a way to send people mail really fast, but pretty soon it evolved into the something bigger, less useful, and more bloated.
Possible successors to EMAIL include GOOGLEWAVE, WIKIS, IM, and NUCLEARDELIVERYSYSTEM.
EMAIL is now available on PHONES, COMPUTERS, KIOSKS, USB, and GIRAFFES, however, it is not available on THEMOOON, YOURHOUSE, THEWHITEHOUSE, or STOVES.
EMAIL is considered the main cause of stupidity in America, however, a recent study concluded that VIDEOGAMES might also be an equally effective cause.
EMAIL is illegal in 49 US states and the District of Columbia.


BAG

posted Dec 31, 2009 7:54 AM by Casey Chow

BAG (n) a wooden mesh designed to automatically compress everything inside it until a funky smell surrounds the BAG
BAG stands for deBulkifying Awful smelling Grate.
BAGs, when placed over the head, can cause nausea, trauma, OCE, STUPIDity, and DEATH.
BAGs can be found at your local UPS store, where they ship dozens and dozens of bags into the GARBAGE.
To BAG means to put a BAG over something, usually as a way to change the odor of that thing.
BAGs are not to be used on bamboo.

Speech Recognition

posted Dec 30, 2009 7:41 AM by Casey Chow


Speech Recognition (n) a type of technology formerly used solely by men in black suits with eye shades, but is now available to average consumers by means of Windows ICANTSEEANYTHINGTHROUGHTHISWINDOW (aka Vista).

Speech Recognition uses your speech patterns to match you up with a corresponding inmate in your area, which thereafter the police will be dispatched to your location to bring you to them. If you are lucky, you might be able to take them home, stopping by Wal-mart to grab some baseball equipment; if you're unlucky, you'll turn up at your doorstep without the ability to breathe.

Speech Recognition is comparable to Handwriting Recognition, which uses your handwriting to match you up to a corresponding corpse.

Speech Recognition is unavailable for Windows eXPectedtobsod (aka XP), though all versions after ICANTSEEANYTHINGTHROUGHTHISWINDOW have this ability built in with a really nice bubble that says, "What the in microphone's insides did you say?" every time you start moaning (the cause of moaning is irrelevant).

Speech Recognition is not available in Europe due to licensing evil issues.


AIRPORT

posted Dec 28, 2009 11:23 AM by Casey Chow   [ updated Jan 10, 2010 5:46 AM ]

AIRPORT (n) a mass-containment unit used to facilitate the transfer of people
AIRPORT stands for Automatic Insecure Raid-Possible Ornamental unReliable Transportation.
When going to an AIRPORT, there are several things to keep in mind:
  1. There is a 75% that your flight will get canceled or delayed past midnight (both happened to me on one round trip!).
  2. Causes of going to an AIRPORT may include CHRISTMAS, MONEY, or EVIL.
  3. You will not be able to bring water past "SECURITY".
  4. There is a 95% chance that you are a terrorist.
  5. There is no such thing as a cheap lunch.
  6. No matter what, DO NOT bring a bomb.
AIRPORTITIS is a disease caused by an overdosage of AIRPORT. AIRPORTITIS has no cure, and usually leads to death within 5 days of its contraction.
AIRPORT is not responsible for any losses, injuries, deaths, attempted murders, or denial of happiness.

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